My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
