That's intense
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
