I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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