in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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