filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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