so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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