I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
