Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
