im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
