Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
