actually, I'm a sock model
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
