The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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