Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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