my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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