My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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