Got a toothbrush?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
