Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
