Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
