remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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