Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
