guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize