Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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