I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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