You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
