don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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