i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
