Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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