Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
