I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
