You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize