Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
