she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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