i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
