There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How external is "for external use only"?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
