Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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