Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
