i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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