Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
