Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
