if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
