If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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