Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
