worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
