last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
