If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
