So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
