IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
