Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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