his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
