just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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