Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
