Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
a search helicopter?!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
