i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
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Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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