the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
