i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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