Porn is love you can see.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
