Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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