She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
