Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
