Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
