Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
