he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
