im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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