He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
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So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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