You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
