I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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